Fury and futility...

Really... I hate starting a blog with a title like that.

Maybe it should have been "Let them eat cake..."


Dean came up with a solution. He decided that borrowing some money from his wealthy sister is the solution to our problem.

Problem is that said-wealthy sister dictates that I should not own pets, have cable, nor spend any money on any form of entertainment. Food that is not strictly survival should be curtailed. You get the picture... wash and reuse tampons, steal ketchup and cracker packets from Mc Donalds for a tastey dinner later... That kind of thing.

Pretty depressing words, coming from a millionaire down to a girl in a double-wide.

Basically, if we're borrowing money there should be no enjoyment of life. If we have money to enjoy life, then we're being wasteful. If we have time to enjoy life, we are not working hard enough and have no business borrowing money, only to squander it with laying about.

I told him I was uncomfortable with him making the call, that the likelyhood of her refusing him (and leaving him feeling devistated and rejected) was high. That if she did loan him money that the price he paid would be high, emotionally. And I told him (again) that you can not get out of debt by borrowing money.

So... I let him call her. Ok, desperation move on my part. Trying to get a quicker resolve to this problem of not having vehicles to get to work in.

Her requirement for the loan was that I call her to give her my verbal agreement that I would not add any pets, we would not have cable, and I would have my IP account terminated (that doggone wasteful $14.95 a month, you know).

I told him up-front that I was not happy making this call, that I felt that while I don't mind justifying, reasonably, my expenses, that this situation was more complicated than she could understand.

So, ever the dutiful wife, I gathered my strenght and resolve (shaking in my boots, I mean) and called her.

As expected, I felt abused. She reminded me that people in "our situation" have no business "running a rescue". I made it clear that in no way are we a rescue, and Molly the beagle is in no way our financial responsibility, and that my friend's rescue organization offered to pay ALL our animal feed bills until we get back on our feet.

I also told her something very important that I didn't think she understood...

I've worn the same pair of contact lenses for two years. THese are the two month kind of lenses, and should have been thrown away long ago. I CHOOSE to put my money toward my animals.

What I didn't tell her is that Dean and I do not take vacations.

We took a moderate amount and showed two of my granddaughter's ponies at the fair this year.

We didn't take so much as a weekend to go to the lake this year.

We had no family gatherings.

We haven't had a working furnace in almost two years, and continue to heat with wood (we have a wood lot behind the house, and a very nice wood burning stove in the living room of of our 1100 sq ft. house, and Dean cuts and stack the wood himself).

We had a broken refrigerator and Dean helped a friend move in exchange for her old, beat-up one that works beautifully.

We do not have garbage service, we don't go to movies. I have continued a Netflix subscription the last few months after my youngest got it for free for me for Christmas last year.

We don't buy clothing, I don't buy make-up.

I can't remember when I paid more than $10 to get my hair cut, and I quit coloring the gray because I couldn't do a respectable job of it myself and can't afford to pay for it.

We own no jet-skis or snow mobiles. We haven't got fishing licenses.

I have no molars at all on the bottom because dental work is expensive. The one molar I have is fake and falling apart.

We both work between 40 and 50 hours a week.

I guess I sort of resent her infering that we have this luxurious lifestyle with all these "extras" that we should do away with.

Anyway, in the end, I assured her that if she didn't feel right about doing this that she should do it. I told her that if she did, it would help relight a spark in me that someone had faith. And that in no uncertain circumstances she should refuse if she felt uncomfortable about it.

The first thing Dean said when I hung up (in a very snotty tone) "Well! Sounds like you were doing a pretty good job talking her out of it!"

I waited a few minutes before I could gather myself to say "That was a mean thing to say. I'm as commited to getting out of this mess as you. If you didn't want me to be scrupulously honest, you shouldn't have had me call her at all. I TOLD you I didn't feel good about this!"

Eventually he apologized. He tends to instantly say the meanest, nastiest thing that comes into his head, while I tend to really, really, really carefully count and weigh my words to do minimum impact. (which is probably why he still hasn't cut down the tree I've been asking him to cut for years).

God, I do not want that woman's help. I've GOT to come up with something that can stop this.

I tried to explain to her that the situation is neither as complex nor as simple as it seems.

Honest to God, she asked me "Oh! You really can't get a personal loan or a credit card without your spouses signature, can you?" And I simply said "oh yes. Absolutely 100%."

The debt is not in my name. And this is the complex part.

I've done little to stop him from creating new debt (see debtors anonymous website for details, if you're reading this). Problem is, I've got my own issues with this to contend with and it's murderously hard. Now comes the man who wants to get a signature loan to "buy a new refrigerator and make truck repairs", but oops. The new refrigerator never gets bought. The money is frittered away. I get the benefits of it, with no repercussions. But I didn't create the debt. And if he'd asked me BEFORE he did this, I'd have said "Don't you dare create any new debt". But he didn't. And I didn't fight and scratch and scream when he offered to take me out to dinner (etc) with the money. I'm guilty but not of the crime I'm being accused of.

As it is with his sister. I've told him again and again and again... you can NOT get out of debt by borrowing money.