Full moon rising...

So, I'm pretty sure all the residents where full of crazy pills tonight.

Three serious panic attacks that manifest themselves as... "It's my shower night! NO? It's NOT my shower night? Well, I want one anyway! Who SAYS I can't have one? No, I CAN'T take it tomorrow. My daughter is coming! NO, I don't CARE that she'll be gone before it's shower time! I want a shower! I NEVER GET A SHOWER!" (she gets them... the "shower" is just a symbol to her. It's where her focus turns when she is frightened and confused. Nothing soothes her, either. Not even a shower.)

That one was a little funny, because she's mostly angry, and her anxiety is treatable.

For Dora, not so funny. She's concerned that her little girls are lost. What's worse is that she is going through a med change, and has no PRN anxiety meds ordered.

With Dora, I lead her down to the nurses station where we call both her daughters, who are patient and kind with their mom. They are only little girls in Dora's mind. She's forgotten that they grew up. Or perhaps she dreamed that they were little again, and lost, and needed her. She was easy to manage and tuck in after talking to her girls. The only thing damaged was for the nurse and I who's hearts broke for Dora. How awful it must be to have a delusion feel so real.

Moments later a woman who'd been perfectly fine suddenly paniced and felt she had to go home. NOW! Her name is Beth and I've always loved her. She'd always lived on a farm, loves me and Cass because we both farm, and she's always trusted us.

Tonight the look of betrayal on her face tore me into pieces. When I said, oh, so gently, "Beth... I'd take you home myself, but honey, the home you're looking for is not there any more."

Leah, the nurse and I managed to get an ativan into Beth eventually. And then I sat and gave her a foot rub, praying that the pill would work. Leah turned away in tears. Neither of us knew for certain what to do. We helped Beth call her daughter, but both of us were grim because we knew the damage these calls do to the family. Hearing your mother in desperate tears is not something any of us like to be party to.

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Tonight the sumac, hickories and maple had turned electric colors. And when I came home, the wind had picked up and they'd begun to fall.